A warning to all viruses and bacteria:

Published May 11, 2010 by Eli Stutz

We’ve had it, bugs.

I’m serving you notice that we, humankind, (and plenty of animals too) are fed up with you. From this day onward you are unwelcome on this planet, or any future human colonies in the greater solar system area.

You have two days to get off this ball of dirt, because there isn’t room here for the both of us. If not, we humanoids will find a way to get back at you for all the misery you have caused us. Do you hear me?

Now some may say that there are certain types of you that actually help us, like bacteria in our stomachs that help us digest our food. Well in that case, the good bacteria get to stay, but only on condition that they sign a no-mutation agreement.

I want to extend a special threat to the streptococci — you guys are finished. When we finally figure out a way to deal with you, it ain’t going to be pretty.

Oh, and when we’re done with all you bugs, we humans are going to throw a party. A darn big party. And we’re going to share drinks.

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